...first of all hello new journal update thing, IT THREW ME OFF ALOT.

But ok...ok serious time.

.. guys this sucks. This is another one of the times where I hate the fact that I was adopted by my grandparents. Why couldnt my mom just had an abortion or something???? OR OR you know, why could'nt I have been adopted by other parents you know, people who are ~*younger*~.

So my (grand)mom wakes me up and she's like, wake up me and your dad need to talk to you.

and I'm like great, apparently they're going to yell at me for not finding a job yet (I'M STILL LOOKING OKAAAAAAY) and I crawl up the stairs because I'm still tired from going to bed at like..4 in the morning.

k.

amd they sit me down all ~*serious*~ like.

and my mom's like.

Lol.

We cant pay for that loan.

and I'm like...what.

WHAT.

and she's like.

Apparently we just dont have it, and we're too old, we're not eligible to get the money you need for college.

and I just sat there...with something going on in my mind all like.

no.


..no.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

and my mom's just going on all like blablabla why didnt you get a scholarship blablabla you should of had an alternative blablabla

stuff like that.

But you know, I was determined to go to Ringling, I wasnt about to give up and be all well I guess YOU'RE RIGHT!! Looks like I wont be going n_n. I'VE come way too far, I had my mind made up that I was going to be there in August and for the next 4 years of my life, ready to improve myself and make goals AND OTHER IMPORTANT life decision things. I've been drawing everyday in hopes of straightening myself out before I go there, doing my own little projects just to get used to doing things like that and here this lady calls all like lol you guys are too old to accept this loan.

Because it would take them like..

..

10 years to pay off the first $23,000.

..

they wont be around in 10 years. I was about to be pathetic and be like lol but when you guys die wont I get to have your money??

But I didnt have the heart to ask, but wouldnt that make sense dont you think? Both of their other daughters (my mom and my aunt) are already making it on their own JUST FINE!! they dont need anything .......cept my..actual mom, something just happened to her financially but oh well it'll be fixed eventually YOU KNOW.

..so...yeah..you think I'd be able to take all the money.

Oh well but anyways. So if it would of taken them that long to pay off THAT loan, just think of how much it'd take them to pay off like...170,000.

..thats alot, for older people you know?

..they'll literally die from having to pay off so much.

So I told them.

Well I guess its up to me then.

and she's like what??

and I'm like YES..!!! I'm going to take on the loans for myself. I'll probably be 45 by the time I'm done paying it off, but it wouldnt be so bad if the loan for each month was like..what..$100-200 a month? Thats just like another bill. Especially if I just kinda..you know...live in an apartment for a while and if I eventually get...idk..married or something? My husband could help pay for things,theres just...alot of things possible. ALSO SCHOLARSHIPS..!! Apparently Ringling only offers...scholarships for..non-undergraduates so...I'm pretty sure if I busted my ass enough I could get maybe..one.

But idk, after just recently doing that budget project in economics, I think a student loan could be possible...even if you're just getting $30,000 a year(that was our given salary).I like, truthfully set up how I would live my life with that thing xD and when I was done I had like..$600 left over to do whatever I wanted with it. The whole budget included apartment livings, housekeeping crap, buying a new car, car maintenace, GAS pricing, medical and insurance crap, shopping, vacations, miscellaneous things, EVERYTHING ...and I still had like..$600 left. I think I could do it if I can like..you know....find a decent job. <__> ..thats going to be the most difficult part.

So um..I think the point of this journal was to ask if anyone particularly knew about student loaning or if they already have any experiencceee...and if anyone knew of some good ones because I really dont wanna give all of this up

just to stay in this retarded state

and do something that I really wouldnt enjoy. Sure, theres the option of like

going to community college and going to Auburn to get a vet degree, but kjhgsd

I ALREADY had my mind set that I was DONE with math and academics and shit like that, that was the main thing that turned me off from becoming a veteranarian....all the math and chemistry jhdfs those were my WORST subjects in highschool...and I dont wanna go through that again and be all baaaawwwwwww I should of just SUCKED IT UP AND TOOK ON THE LOAN FOR MYSELF..!!!

I'd rather spend my life doing something I enjoy and can get better with along the way. Being an artist for the rest of my life wont be so easy, it'll be hard and tough. But, my AP class and just my visual art classes proved to me that I can actually step out of my comfort zone and do things that need to be done. I thought I was never going to finish my ap art portfolio, but I did...and I had to do some major stepping out of my comfort zone....but it got done..and I was like you know...pleased with myself?? ..that I can actually do things I'm not comfortable with and push myself. So its like..if I could do that, then I can definately do it for the next 4 years and perhaps for the rest of my possible career.

So thats whats making me not care if I have to pay off the loan for this school for like..the remainder of my life, because it'll be worth it. I wasnt about to give up the opportunity to be able to be recruited by big time companies, do you know how amazing that would be?? This whole time I've just been like.. "wow" you know? Its like a dream come true almost. Its just..I have to work to get there and thats what I plan to do.

...

..wow guys I feel lame for saying all of that lol, its like PREACHER TIME!!11. BUT BASICALLY.

yes..loans. Anyone know much about them? ..besides the fact that you'll be spending the rest of your life paying it off. n_n;

That would be great.

Because if I can get a loan, my dad said that he'd get me A NEW CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRR

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

yes because my crappy 2000 toyota corolla is about to like..majorly play out. The engine light's on and everything..and that thing wouldnt make it all the way down to Florida. I treat that thing like a fucking race car. Also, it fucks up in the rain, I almost had an accident once because the brakes went out, THIS HAS HAPPEND ABOUT hm...5 times maybe? Gosh.

SO..!! I was like AHHHHH CAN I GET A MUSTANG?????????????????///// MUSTANG PLEAASSEEEEEE.

and my dad was like, maybe.

That means yes m_m depending on which ones he can find that are affordable.

My dream car to own is a black mustang convertible, I ADOREEEEEEE those cars, and I dont care what model it is..!! (okay except anything under a 97 model) as long as I had one. Also, I dont care what color it is <__> as long as its a mustang I'd be fucking happy.

..as long as its not white, white mustangs are ksdjgsd afffff I dont like them so much.

But yes 8D; I'm fucking happy yet distressed all at once..!!!